From War to Home: The Legacy of Hidden Pain
Tomorrow is Anzac Day, and I always take a moment to remember my Grandpa, who was a prisoner of war. I often wonder how he coped with what he endured—and how much of that silent pain echoed through our family long after the war ended… - Suzie x
A man who endured the trauma of war—held prisoner for 3.5 years, cut off from family, with no news from home. He suffered alongside his mates through malnutrition, illness, and pain.
He came home..... But was never the same. He never really shared what he had witnessed. Instead held tight within, finding quiet comfort in a drink or the familiar flick of a cigarette.
Alcohol use increased significantly post-war for men a symbol of mateship and resilience of all they had endured.
I was only a baby—no conscious memories of my own to hold but saw the echoes of these habits over the years in my Dad and have walked through similar times and chapters of my own.
And now, I see it so clearly: pain doesn’t just disappear. It finds a way to live on, generation after generation, until someone chooses to see it—and begins to heal it.
Back then, there was no real language for trauma. No open conversation. No therapist waiting with tools to heal the unseen scars. There were just habits—socially acceptable ones—that helped people survive the weight of what they’d experienced.
But what happens when those habits don’t end with them?
The Legacy We Carry
I now understand something I couldn’t see growing up: that trauma doesn’t always speak. It echoes.
It moves silently through generations, shaping family dynamics, emotional habits, and ways of coping—even when the original event is long past.
Through research, I’ve come to learn that this is known as intergenerational trauma. Studies show that intense emotional stress can leave epigenetic marks on our DNA—meaning our bodies remember, even if our minds don’t. Our parents & grandparents' fears, survival strategies, and unspoken pain can become our unconscious patterns passed quietly on from generations past and those still to come.
And for so many families, the coping tools—alcohol, cigarettes, disconnection—became normal.
Not because they were healthy, but because they were available.
Then Came COVID
During the pandemic, those patterns became even more visible again. Locked in our homes, surrounded by uncertainty, many turned to what was easiest to reach. And just like past generations, alcohol and cigarettes were right there—legal, accessible, and familiar.
In 2020, 1 in 5 Australians increased their alcohol consumption, with sales surging nationwide.
Stress, isolation, and financial hardship also saw a rise in cigarette use and the introduction of vapes, especially among the young & those who may have previously quit.
At the same time, mental health support systems were stretched, emotional overwhelm was high and pharmaceutical drug use went thru the roof for all sorts of struggles for all of the ages.
It struck me how quickly old habits return in new times of crisis but so much the same, this time was mums on the home front with wine to get thru the day with so much extra time stuck at home isolated and juggling so much on their own.
And how easily the cycle continues—until we choose to see it is all the same & be the change so the children who witness it all over again....... don't go on to do the same.
The Power to Pause
I believe we are the generation that can break the cycle.
Not with blame. Not with shame.
But with deep compassion—for our grandparents and parents who did the best they could, and for ourselves as we learn new ways to heal.
As I reflect this ANZAC Day, I honor my Grandpa not just for his service, but for the pain he carried. And I honor myself by choosing to do differently. To feel. To talk. To heal. To give my children something new to inherit—presence, not patterns.
This journey isn’t about being perfect. It’s about becoming aware. And every time we pause, breathe, or reach for something kinder—we rewrite the story we pass on.
A Gentle Invitation
If this resonates with you, I invite you to reflect today:
What habits live in your family story?
Where do they come from—and what would healing look like for you?
You are not alone. And you don’t have to carry it all.
So, if you’re ready to break the cycles & begin the journey to Allow You 2BU, welcome!
This is a journey only you can take but I assure you are not alone, I will be cheering you on every step of the way and building a strong community as we go.
You’ve already taken the first step just by showing up here and you can find the guide www.allowyou2bu.com/journey-back-2u to get you started.
Come and join the free community group https://allow.app.clientclub.net for more insights, tools, and support to guide you along the way.
I’m so excited to walk this path with you.
Much love,
Suzie
